I'm not a huge fan of talking personality types, but if we're talking personality types, I'm big time "J" on the Myers-Briggs scale. I love me some structure. I thrive in routine. I want things to start on time and end when they are supposed to. I don't always handle unanticipated change well. I like my way of doing things. And I love planners, agenda, and itineraries in maybe an unhealthy way.
Long story short, I signed my life away to a bougie fitness studio here in Waco, and I am LOVING it. I've been able to work out every day, but still only wash my hair every other day, and I feel like I've tapped into the discipline I need to thrive.
Except this morning I slept through two alarms and woke up to my room being lighter than it usually is at 5:30 and through a slew of words not worth repeating I realized I missed the barre class I signed up for. (sidebar: barre work outs used to scare me, but I'm on this new kick of doing things that used to scare me, and now I love them; so if you're scared just try it) I decided to channel my annoyance with myself into a run. On my drive to Baylor I was quietly hoping that this would turn into a beautiful sunrise view of campus, and I would redeem the whole thing with an Instagram story, and wow aren't God's plans better than our own?
They are. But the whole sunrise thing did not happen. My run turned into a walk because my legs were tired, and I came home and spiraled into an all too familiar, "why can't I just get my life together?" Why can't I just hear my alarms? Why can't I just run the whole Bear Trail? Why can't I remember to post on the Youth Group's instagram account since that is my one quantifiable responsibility? How is it possible that I'm only a month and a half into a new Bible reading schedule and already a month behind?
I used to live my life telling myself that tomorrow I would be better. That tomorrow I would wake up earlier/read more Bible/be nice to more people/do my homework on time. Then Jesus took a hold of me and told me to calm down because he already loved me not because I had anything to offer but because I was his. Exercise was one of the biggest areas of my life that needed to be evangelized to. I need the Gospel to help me run out of love rather than out of loathing. And this sweetly happened my senior year of college on the very Bear Trail where I first got the Gospel into my bones my freshmen year of college.
Six years later, I still use habits as a matter of holiness, when all I actually need is Jesus. It's great that I regularly floss my teeth (#nogingivitis2017), but that is not what justifies me. I can wake up early every day, but the cross bears my sins, not my response to my alarm clock.
So in this new season of life back in Waco, this is my prayer, that my habits would form out of an overflow of identity in Christ rather than out of a need for self-justification or self-loathing. That the structure I build into my life would point me to Christ and not to myself.
Other life highlights:
- Absolutely loving the new job. It's so good to be back in Waco. It's so good to be back at Redeemer. It's so good to not have to street park all the time.
- Bought a battery powered fly swatter, and gang, it's the best.
- I'm trying my darnedest to meal plan/cook more - send your easy small batch recipes my way!
Things in Waco worth checking out if you inevitably give into the Magnolia-craze